You Locked the Door

I remember what I thought
every time you locked the door
of your room.
You made my heart jump.
We were as alone
as we could be.
But you would never
touch me.
Just protect me
from everything,
and keep me
to yourself
for as long
as you could have me.
Even in the dark,
I knew how your eyes were
when you looked at me,
and that
meant everything.
I always waited
to see
if you would kiss me,
if you would start
all the unraveling
that would lead
to heaven in your bed.
But you never did.
I saw you cringe
when I moved my hair
with my hand
to the other side of my head.
I felt you tense up
behind me
on the bed.
You say I made you run
'til your legs were sore.
There were times
when you couldn't sit still
for fear that you would touch me.
There were times
when you were shaking,
and trying hard not
to look at me
in my room.
I remember once,
when you were a bit drunk,
you decided what the hell,
and pulled me
to you.
But even then
you only held me tight.
I thought of you at night.
I was always up in your room
'til it wasn't even
legal anymore.
How many times
did you sneak me out?
How many times
did you turn the lights out
with me still there?
How many people did you
want to hit
for touching me
the way you wanted to,
but never did?