Chocolate

I don't have enough chocolate. Though, I seem to be eating a lot of it lately. I'm too old to get a Christmas stocking, and I give everyone candy for Christmas. They all have lots of chocolate to eat, but I don't. It's weird. I eat the leftover candy that couldn't be divided up evenly, but it doesn't seem as festive. Then I got all sugared up and had the spins when I woke up on Christmas morning. Yes, that's the kind of thing I do. Cheers.

I got Serenity for Christmas. And it was the full screen, which I hate, but I opened it anyway because I wanted to hear the commentary pronto. Even knowing I would go out and buy the wide screen version of it and then have two copies. I'm a nut. An impatient nut. Oh well. Sucks. Even more depressing was trying to explain to everyone I know why the wide screen version is almost always the better version to get. Of anything. "But it's smaller." "Yes, but you see the whole picture." It's okay that I talked to the whole world about it, I'm the one who grabbed the wrong version off the shelf to begin with. I was out shopping with my mother and said, "Oh, look! The Firefly movie is out!" and I grabbed it to look at it. She said, "You like that?" I said yes, and she grabbed it out of my hands to buy for me for Christmas, and she wouldn't not buy it. I tried to talk her out of it. (Not because of wide screen issues, I'm just saying.... I don't know why.) I'm weird. Geeky.

I do dream about work every night now. Well, every work night. Last night I dreamed about sorority girls. Not in a pillow fight way, just in a... way. I can't remember. I'm all bummed out about something now. Going back to work and whatnot. Yay. I don't want to stay there forever. I have to not freak out. My goal to be a full time writer is not going too well.

Though, I have an idea. Why I explain my marketing ideas to you all is beyond me. Doesn't it make you feel like guinea pigs? Muahaha. I thought it might be a good idea to serialize a novel like they do in magazines sometimes. But here on my site. With all my novels actually. But they're all so dark and moody. I'd hate to be trapped in that place while I wrote them. Yeck. If TV writers can write a script in 6 days, why can't I write a novel fast? I already have so many novels mapped out in notes and such. Ready to go. Or ready to be outlined. Whatever. Zoom zoom. Ah, I'm tired. Couldn't sleep. Or couldn't sleep enough. I watched Serenity and It's a Wonderful Life yesterday. Reavers and Christmas. How can I like both of those movies? Is that not warped? LIFE is warped. Oh, indeed.

"You know what I'm doing right now? Not using my windpipe." - Angel. "World without shrimp.... crazy melty land... the land of perpetual Wednesday...." - Anya. Quotes get stuck in my head. Lately. Or always. Whatever. "My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle." - Mal. Hehehe. Sigh.

I have no life. Or no time for a life. I wish I had all my time to myself to choose to do what I wanted. Yay.... I have GOT to get a move on on my book stuff. GRR. Which is fine. Christmas took up a lot of time. Whoopie doodle. Now I can plan my time better. No gatherings, no shopping, no.... whatever else. BAH. Me and my sloppy writing style can stretch out and put our feet up here in this little cyber space I've made for us. Hmph. I hate life.

No, I don't! Let's face it, I do. Right now anyway. That's why I have to change it. One step at a time. I'm a little shell shocked. Going from one job to another this year. Not delightful. Even if they were steps up. Change is bad. You see my dilemma! I have to try to make my life change even though I despise change in general. This is not good. If only magic could help me. Not TV magic, but real magic. Like prayer. Which I call magic. Hmm.

That's a whole thesis waiting to happen. Let's skip it.

Anyway. Change. Bad. I can try, though. And maybe give myself a magical boost. Why not? Where's the moon? Waning. I'll wait.

I need water. I'm thirsty. I finally convinced my friend to go to Narnia with me. Or someone else did. But I'm cool with it! Let's go! Whoop! The Chronicles of Narnia are the reason I became a writer. Yes, yes, at a very young age. What of it? They are so magical. Looooove Narnia. Whoop! I have such a sci-fi/fantasy brain. SIGH....

Wish I had more time. Wish wish wish. Swish. I need a nap. That'd be cool, to take one now. Why not? The mail's not coming today. I have nothing to be afraid of or hope for. Bad news always comes in the mail. Lately. Good news too. Pretty slow for the Information Age. Yawn.

Okay, I've been insane today, but that's to be expected. Day after Christmas. That always feels pretty damn weird. At least I made it through. Again. "Yeah yeah. 'Hulk smash'." - Lilah.

Later.~

Chris on 12.26.05 @ 02:32 pm [link]

No power in the 'verse can stop me

I've been saying that in my head lately like a mantra. Don't know why. It's nice.

Morning. I've been thinking about love. I eat TV romance up with a spoon. I miss love. It's sooooo wonderful. My handwriting is so neat and tidy. I just glanced at something I wrote. Anyway. Love. That's pretty much all I had to say about it. You'd think I could at least make a video about it. But.... no. I've been pondering a wicked Wesley video. You know, bad ass Wesley. With the love triangle of Fred/Wesley/Lilah that Fred didn't know she was involved in. Heh.

Or, if I had the video clips, an ER Luka/Abby video. YUM! They are so delicious lately. Hehehee. (Everything reminds me of food. "Delicious". What can I say?) I can't tell if I'm in love with anyone at the moment. If I am, well, it'd be with someone I haven't seen for months. Soo.....? Either I'm not in love, or I'm blocking it. And I would totally do that. Pfft. Oh well, it's a nice feeling to either pretend I have or indulge in (if it be real! Argh!). Hmm.

My job must be going well. I don't dream about it every night. When I was a housekeeper, I dreamed about it every night. I STILL dream about being a housekeeper sometimes. Yikes. That must not be my ideal work. Brain work. That's for me. Soooo. When will I write another book or make another video, etc? You know, I should just publish that darn erotic novel. After I tone it down to be mushy like fan fiction. Heh. Sorry! Fan fiction is more romantic. The erotic stuff. My novel is too harsh. But it's not about romance. It's about prostitution. Hmm. But sexy! I know it doesn't sound like it would be. Yikes. It's almost like Inara prostitution, though. (Firefly.) Almost.

"They mostly come at night.... mostly." - Aliens. I'm thirsty. Hey, without all the constant exercise of housekeeping my weight has started to creep up again. GEEZ! I'll have to do something about that. It's gotta be an eat less food thing, though. If I exercise I'll just get hungrier and eat more. Overcompensating. Ruining "the plan". I'll do yoga, for kicks and giggles, and that's about it. Maybe some walking. But I'm not gonna be all Biggest Loser marathon aerobic about it.

Hey, I'm listening to a pretty song that would make a good Willow/Tara vid. Hee. Sigh. Romance. Sad romance, but still. Ill fated. But the good stuff lasted a good long time. Let's count. Mid season 4 to late season 6, yes? That's a loooong time for TV romance. Whoop! And, of course, Angel and Buffy had 3 years. That was also (here it is again, 'cough') delicious.

See how I am about TV romance? Maybe it's the Christmas season that makes me all sappy. I have no idea. "Back under the stars, back into your arms." -Avril Lavigne. I'm listening to her album right now. Maybe it's her fault I'm in this mood. Pah! I caught a few minutes of LOTR: The Two Towers yesterday. Maybe it's Frodo's big blue eyes when he's all possessed by an evil ring that put me in this mood. (Hey, that's romantic in it's own way, YO.) I'm revealing too much about what makes me feel sappy. Geez. Heh.

FICTION. That's what makes me sappy. But real life is nice too. Sometimes. It can be. Grr. See there, you made me mad! Just kidding. I'm only sort of insane. Pfft!

Wow, am I ever in a weird mood. Yup. I don't know what to do with my spare time. Wish I could figure it out. I'd love to throw myself into creativity, but I don't know if I can yet. I may need to throw myself into making more money to pay my bills. I can't decide. SIGH. Whatever. Don't laugh, but maybe God has plans. And no matter what I choose he wins. In a way. You see what I'm saying? I bid on a writing project, and didn't get it. At guru.com. Nobody got it. They chose nothing over me. HMM. Clearly it's not in the cards, right? Right. I guess. My bid was 1/20 of what they'd have to pay a guild writer. But.... still no. Well, then.

Hmm.

I have to go check all my emails and see if they filled up during the week. I don't go online much during the week. No time. Too much laziness. That sort of thing. Sitting at a computer all day. Blabittyblah blah. Okay, so I'll go now and stop babbling in here. Later, folks.

Chris on 12.10.05 @ 01:13 pm [link]

House of wax

I randomly thought that'd go well with my last entry title. Anyway, I started the new job, and I like it. Except for the commute. But it'll be better in the summer. And I'm way too crabby to get a 2nd job. I could work more hours at this job if I want. But I've never had a full time job before, so I'm just getting used to that. My chair is all weird. I can't scoot closer to the computer because there's a big bag of hand-me-down clothes sitting on the floor next to me. Makes typing fun. Oh well.

Sigh. I don't know what to do with my life. Jobs, books, whatever. Hmm. It's all very depressing. Maybe it's the winter that's depressing. I have to turn on my headlights to drive to work and turn them on again to drive home. WOW. All the daylight is eaten up by the job. Don't you find that depressing? Geez.

Did you see Invasion last night?????!!!!!!! My God! Shocker!!!! That's an understatement. That's actually more shocking than I like my TV to be. Yikes. I get the willies just thinking about it. Let's scoot away from that subject, and right on over to Lost. How cool was that?! Kate and Jack finally kissed! Whoop! It's about damn time. She's so flakey. Can't believe she killed her stepfather/father. Yuck, though he was creepy. That must have been the start of her crime spree. Shite! Eeeeee!!!!!

I hate my life. I have to get in the shower soon so my hair can air dry before I go to bed. Or mostly air dry. Cuz that takes four hours. Takes one hour to blow it dry. Long hair sucks. I should chop it off. Yes.... and buy tennis shoes and socks and computer glasses for work. Right now I only have shoes I can wear nylons with. And shirts I have to wear camisoles with. It's all a bunch of crap. Do I look like I don't want to be comfortable?? I do! Sorry, that was random. I can dress more comfortably at work, but I don't have the clothes and shoes to do it. I need to buy some. Argh. Irony. I can't afford not to wear nice clothes to work. Pfft. Whatever. I can't believe I've had 3 new jobs this year. I hate change. This is very weird for me. But I'll deal. I have lack of time issues.

Hmm. It's bitter cold today. It wasn't at lunch, though. At lunch it was slushy. Don't you hate that? Changes in weather. Grr. "December's all alone, and he's calling me on the phone...." -Veruca Salt. I hate December. The darkness, the coldness, and whatever else. It feels later than it is. I kept yawning at work. Blah. I don't get enough sleep. But I'm working on it.

I'm sure I had more to say when I sat down to make this entry. I wonder if I would LIKE working in computers. Cuz this job is more boring than I thought it would be. But not bad if I change what I'm doing now and then. Would computers be boring? You never know. HMM. Questions. My neck hurts. Wah. Should I wear black or pink tomorrow? It's Blue Jeans Friday, but of course I don't have any blue jeans. Mwahaha. Irony again. So, I'll look dressier than the jeans people, I guess. Oh well. It's Friday! And the Christmas party is tomorrow night, but I have so much laundry and grocery shopping to do. Yowza. Seriously. I've been saving it. It's gonna suck. Well, some laundry I'll do on Sunday. Go me.

Lalalalallaaaaa.... Just filling up space. And yawning. If I take a nap I'll just stay asleep. Still, that sounds appealing. Shower, then nap, then sleep, then work. Yuck. A life of nothing but sleep and work. Not good. Sigh. I should never write in here during a weekday. Only on weekends. I'll be less frazzled and more....???? I can't even think I'm so frazzled. I think I'm being really spoiled at work. I have a lot of people training me. I don't think other people there had so much help when they first started. It's a good thing I have that, cuz I'm such a fragile little weirdo. Hey! Be nice! (It's true. )

Okay, I'm going. "Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars." Heh, just kidding. I heard some people say that on the radio this morning. Weird. Grr. I must go away already. Night, then! (Or whatever.) Later. ~

Chris on 12.01.05 @ 07:28 pm [link]