"Beautiful Disaster"

I woke up with the song "Beautiful Disaster" by Kelly Clarkson in my head. "He drowns in his dreams.... an exquisite extreme I know. He's as damned as he seems, but more heaven than a heart could hold..." etc. and on and on. Good song.

I got a new job. Bleck. The hours are all over the place. The people are nice, but I don't think I want to work in fast food. That's right, fast food! Also, I look super FAT in the uniform. Seriously, wow. Plus I'm a vegetarian and today I have to learn to grill meat. Woohoo! I want to get a bookkeeping certificate so I can get a bookkeeping job. Buuuuut. There aren't any jobs like that open currently. Though, I swear I saw one in the paper. I know, by the time I have the book learnin' there may be a job like that open. Whatever. I want it all to happen now, instantly. Impatience! Then I get my online accounting degree. Then I get my super cool accounting job. Then I write novels and sell them and make them into movie scripts and sell them too, and live happily ever after. Oh, and have a house and a dog. Mostly I want more time to watch television. It all boils down to that. Heh. Yeah! Super lazy! Did anyone see the season finale of Alias? That is the best season finale I have ever seen! Though, I'm sure the "Who shot JR?" thing was pretty cool in its day. Man, that was awesome! Wooooooo!!!!!! Yeah, TV. It all boils down to TV. Maybe because that's quick free storytelling. That's how I get my fiction fix. Yeayeah. Cool. And reading and seeing fiction is what inspires me to write fiction. It's all a nice little cycle.

So, accounting. Let's get to it! Argh. I should not have dropped out of college. But I just wanted to write books, lalala. Not such a great idea. Not living in the real world. I would like to have only a part time accounting job, though. I'm funny that way. But after paying for a degree, I guess I'd better have a full time job. Bleck. We'll see! I think I may move in with my mother. To save money. She offered. Then I could get this degree faster. Zoom zoom! I want to keep my phone number, though. Ha. Can't help it. So much furniture moving, though. And boxes full of books. Blargh. I remember moving the last time. Yuck. And I had less stuff! Not good. Plus her house is crammed full of all my sisters' stuff. Where would it go? Hate that. And I kind of think I would be the one to end up moving it. Yick. I'm not lazy, I'm just exhausted! So so so annoyed with life. I'm in a phase of change I guess. And it all happened when I was in the middle of re-reading my first novel so I could edit it. I was thinking it's good, not great, and then BAM! New job. So, I haven't finished reading it. Curiouser and curiouser.

I have to trim my fingernails. I keep making holes in the hamburger buns. Not good. Sigh. I have to go to work in 2 hours. And I have no idea where to find out when I work next week. People keep saying, "Oh, yeah, you'll find that out later..." blah blah blah. So, I can't make plans or anything. Hate that. "He drowns in his dreams, an exquisite extreme, I know..." She's as damned as she seems! I'm so melodramatic. I guess I'll listen to that song and trim my nails and try not to have a heart attack wondering when I'll even be SLEEPING next week. Adios for now. Later.

Chris on 05.28.05 @ 12:00 pm [link]

Nothin'

I wonder if I already have an entry named "Nothin'". I feel like I do. Let's check! --Oh, apparently not. Okay.

Saw two deer yesterday, sitting in someone's yard. One of them stood up as my mother and I walked by, with this look on its face like, "Are you going to give us a reason to run like hell or are we fine here?" Heh. But we walked by and it eventually sat down again. They were still there when we came back. We went for a walk in the park. It used to be a cemetary and now it's a park. But you can see sunken in patches where old graves are. They were building a house near the park recently and they found 3 caskets. Then the official city people in charge of such things told them to just rebury them and leave them there. Hmm. So, they are in someone's backyard. There's a plaque at the park that says about 40% of the people buried there were under 15. Wow! Lots of deadly diseases in the past. And horse accidents and I forget what else. Oh, hangings. Not the young people, I'm guessing. I love old cemetaries. It'd be cool, but kind of creepy if the headstones were still there. Most of the bodies were not moved to new cemetaries when they made it into a park. And I believe my mother's house is also built on top of that cemetary. And her house was built in 1917. How cool is that? We used to live one block down and that house was built in 1895 or something. And this old woman came to visit us one day and gave us a picture of herself standing in front of our house in 1903 when she was 6 or something and it was her house. COOOOL. She was born in it, I think. And there was a wooden sidewalk and fence, and a dirt road in front of it. And her parents sitting on the front porch in old fashioned clothes. I love that stuff! History is kind of fascinating. Not even the history of wars and big changes, etc. But the history of how people used to live their everyday lives. Very interesting.

See how random that was? I have an idea for an Angel video. I'm not going to make it until I finish publishing my first novel, though. I finished the novel 8 years ago. It's time I stopped being lazy! Don't ya think? It's so short too. It really shouldn't be that difficult. But it was my first and I didn't know what I was doing. So, it has bigger flaws than my 2nd novel. Which also has flaws, but.... hopefully when I write again I won't be making so many mistakes. You have to learn by doing, right? Right.

You know the beginning of Romancing the Stone? When she's writing the end of her novel and visualizing it so it seems real? And she makes herself cry cuz she thinks her own story is so beautiful? (Which is so funny.) And she's alone with her typewriter and her cat? I love that. I think I was a kid when I saw that. And I already knew I wanted to be a writer. And that's exactly what I wanted it to be. Not the exciting part later where she has the adventure and romance, pfft, but the ordinary part in the beginning where her imagination is so real it's like she's living it, and she's creating the story on the page, living quietly in her apartment with her cat, etc. Love it! And it's funny too. And probably not healthy! Cuz she's obsessed with her own character hero guy and wants him to be real. Okay, so I don't want THAT part. This also reminds me of the X-Files episode "Milagro" where the guy lives in a very empty blah apartment and just has himself and a typewriter there. And, okay, a bed. And he looks out the window at some brick wall or something and says to Scully, "A view only a writer can appreciate." I love that! It's so strangely true. That a writer can stare into nothing and see worlds. And that guy's characters became a little too real too, eh? Which I also oddly love. I love it when the characters become so real that you couldn't make them do something they wouldn't do in your story. FUN. Cuz that means you are really getting it, or you are in the zone or something. The story becomes so real it almost writes itself. (Which a character said in that episode.) Hmm. Well, this has all been dreamy. It's time to pull back into some weird hibernation mode and get into the feeling of this story again. My little novel. A handful of people have read it and liked it. Maybe you would like it too. It'll be a free ebook when I'm done. And also available in paperback, for anyone that wants that. It could take a week or 2 months to get it polished up enough to publish. I should stop talking about it. Cuz I have no idea how long it will take. It'll be nice to be writing again, though. Or working on writing anyway. It's been a loooong time.

Alrighty, I think I have to go now. Gotta eat some food. Pizza. Bad me! Later.

Chris on 05.09.05 @ 07:51 pm [link]