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08/31/2007: "The Matrix Has You"I was at work this morning, shuffling papers and whatnot, and listening to the idle chit chat around me. It was such a weird knee-jerk drawn out conversation, it was like the pieces were memorized beforehand and just plugged in where they go. I wondered if the people having the idle chit chat were even aware of their conversation. It was like they were on auto pilot. Though it all sounded real enough. And at that moment it flashed through my mind, "The Matrix has you."
Ahhhh! I tried to avoid having a desk job for so long that sometimes when I'm walking into work in the morning I can almost here the Universe saying, "Gotcha." Silent scream. You sneaky Universe! It's so bizarre. A desk job is too comfy. When I cleaned for a living it was hard work. If I had a strain or a sore muscle and I had to keep going going going anyway, that sucked. Or even to have a cold and be racing around, almost falling over, etc. Yuck. But this, this is so weird. It's soooo cozy. There are birthday cards and paid vacation and idle conversation breaks. My muscles aren't sore at the end of the day. At my last job I skipped lunch because it slowed me down, had an energy bar and kept working. Then I came home and ate 2 dinners and had 3 glasses of Gatorade to get back my lost electrolytes. Every day! And I think when you do that stuff it motivates you to get the hell out of that job. Makes you work on your writing or whatever your dream is. But now, everything is too darn comfy. But I am publishing a novel a year. It's not like I'm not doing anything. Yes, so far they have been free ones. But not this next one.
Speaking of which, they were giving away something at work that they never give away and I almost didn't care.... Then I realized it's exactly the thing I was going to take a picture of for the cover of my book, and I was planning to go out and buy this something. But now I don't have to! Duhh. Can't believe I almost missed that. And it's very kismet-y too, idnit? Hee.
Phew! Life. The sky is filled with smoke again. Peachy. Hey, it's a 3 day weekend! Which is why I'm in here right now. There will be no time for blogging for the next few days. I will be editing the book again and apparently taking pictures for the cover. Possibly printing the book out to proofread on paper. Don't know how far I'll get with all this. I'll start with the photos. But I don't have time today. I have a little time before laundry, and then grocery shopping. I like to get that stuff over with before the weekend really starts.
Hey, I took 3 days off in September too, just.... well, cuz it's my birthday, and because I need a break and because I could always use more days to work on this book stuff. So, I actually did that! All my vacations from work are to work on one of my books. Always. And it's great. It's exactly what I need to be doing and then I feel better after having done it. Usually when I have a job the people around me are perfectly happy with their job and wouldn't mind staying there forever. Even at fast food restaurants. It's disturbing. I have yet to meet someone on my travels who has aspirations above where they are. Except the college girls at the hotel. Interesting. But they were only there for 3 months. Anyway, I feel like a dork at work for wanting something more. MORE. Cuz I'm not there yet. I want to be on that higher mountain over there. One I've been staring at all my life. I once had a dream of Isabel, the main character in my first novel, staring at a mountain range in the distance and wanting to go there. Okay, for one thing I feel how she feels, and for another--I thought it was so damn cool that I invented a character and then my brain used her in a dream to speak to me!!!! Haha!! Weeeee! Anyway.
One of my little tricks for downloading videos off of You Tube crapped out the other day. I think You Tube is on to us. Duurrrr. But I found another gadget and I downloaded 2 videos just fine. I do plan to buy a lot of these albums. Because of hearing the songs in music videos. BUT... I'm too poor right now. I'm saving for ink cartridges and camera batteries and website domain and hosting and copyright fees and everything else it will take to publish and promote this book of mine. I'm trying to be really professional about it cuz it's just me. Next I have to write a blurb (you know, the little paragraph that makes the book sound exciting so people will buy it), and choose an excerpt. I'm getting so close to being done! I can't believe I'm even brave enough to do this now. But yes I can really. The time is just right. I really thought I'd be 90 before it happened, though. Surprise surprise.
I used to have this image in my head of a disaster happening and I somehow make sure my writing survives, even if I don't. Fire, flood, earthquake, Apocalypse. Whatever it was. Wow. Is it weird I don't feel that way anymore? It's because of the comfy desk job! It's because I chose whatever pill sends you back into the Matrix! Ahhhhh!!!! Or.... alternatively.... it could just be that I'm growing up. Which is about damn time considering how old I am. Shite.
Ugh. I am actually in the middle of a Smallville episode right now that's new to me. And I'm not anxious to find out the ending???? I started watching it at breakfast. Then a little at lunch. At lunch, in the episode, this drugged out looking girl started to cough and I thought, "Here comes the blood." And even though I knew it was coming, it still grossed me out! A lot. I think I had to resist the urge to vomit. Smallville has never made me have to resist the urge to vomit! That's ER! Bleck. And sometimes Alias is pretty vomit-worthy. But mostly Alias is a bunch of stuff that will send you into therapy. I've never seen so many severed body parts on one show. Not even ER! But I digress. Coughing up blood. Disgusting sight. It gives me the heebie jeebies. Too much realism! I said to the TV, "I just ate!" TV did not care. Pfft.
God, I can still smell the smoke in here. Yeck. And I'm tired and my neck hurts and 'wahhhhh'. (That was me crying. Check out the crying smilie:
Whateva.) I was gonna launch into a paragraph about what music I'm listening to right now. And really, I listen to the same tape over and over in the car for 6 months or so. Before I switch it. I like things becoming really familiar. I never rearrange my furniture. I know people who do that regularly, as a rule. ??? I don't buy new clothes until my old ones have fallen apart and become unusable. Or I "outgrow" them. Literally "out" grow instead of "up" grow. Teeheehee. 
What?Sigh. Friday night. But a 3 day weekend! Whoop! I need chocolate. I really really do. I can buy some! Oh, I got this wild idea to make an album of music. You know, write songs. I want to find out what my musical style is. Hmmmm.... I think it will be dancy sad techno moody bluesy acoustic guitar/piano sort of.... spooky pop. I think that sums it up. Spooky pop. Okay then! When I have the time. "If I could." -Spike on Buffy. He's speaking to Willow. See, that would seem to be one of those trivial quotes I was talking about, eh? Yeahh.... But it fit the tone of what I was saying...
Water. "We're thirsty!" -Sluk infested guy on Angel. I'm sure the character has a name, but I forget it. But I remembered what a sluk was! Dammit! Geeek!!!! Hehe. Whatever.
Okay, I forgot to mention the music. That I'm listening to. Here is the current mixed CD I concocted:
"Little Wonders" -Rob Thomas
"It's Not Over" -Daughtry
"Fallin'" -Alicia Keys
"Big Girls Don't Cry" -Fergie
"If Everyone Cared" -Nickelback
"Hips Don't Lie" -Shakira
"Breathe" -Anna Nalick
"Better Than Me" -Hinder
"Meet Virginia" -Train
"Hurt" -Christina Aguilera
"Before He Cheats" -Carrie Underwood
"Sober" -Kelly Clarkson
"Face Down" -Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
"Breathe" -Michelle Branch
"Overfire" -THC
"Behind Those Eyes" -3 Doors Down
Hmm. But I'm taking out the slow sad songs and the sexy songs because they are not work friendly. Not even in the car on the way to work. Don't want to be in certain mindsets. So.... sanitized for work, I've changed it to this:
"Little Wonders" -Rob Thomas
"It's Not Over" -Daughtry
"Big Girls Don't Cry" -Fergie
"If Everyone Cared" -Nickelback
"Breathe" -Anna Nalick
"Better Than Me" -Hinder
"Before He Cheats" -Carrie Underwood
"Sober" -Kelly Clarkson
"Face Down" -Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
"Behind Those Eyes" -3 Doors Down
"Let Me Go" -3 Doors Down
"Home" -Daughtry
"Saving Me" -Nickelback
Hmm. Not bad. I took out 2 songs just cuz they were too happy too. Go figure. God, I have GOT to end this entry now. It is so damn long. Shite! Okay. A quote before I leave? "I rued the day once. Didn't get a whole lot else done." -Chandler on Friends. Hehe.
Later.
